"just move on," they say. don't you love that? just move on. they make it sound so easy. but it's not.
i think i always figured i'd know when it was time to move on and let someone go. i thought i'd feel really good about it and just pick up and head out. nobody warns you for what it's really like. it's a constant uphill battle.
i think i always figured i'd know when it was time to move on and let someone go. i thought i'd feel really good about it and just pick up and head out. nobody warns you for what it's really like. it's a constant uphill battle.
staying away after choosing to walk away is the hardest. it's like quitting an addiction. it's saying 'no' over and over again every single day until you've finally, actually, moved on. it's trying to stay away from every chance of a relapse. it's seeing their name light up on your phone and feeling a mix of butterflies in your stomach and a lump in your throat. it feels good to be thought of and missed but you feel anger towards the person for making it even harder to stay away. it's seeing that green checkmark next to their name on skype and wrestling your own fingers to avoid hitting the call button. it's laying in bed at night and not knowing who to text about your day because, for so long, they were the go-to person that you shared everything with.
i wish things were a little more black and white. i wish i could know for certain that there was no way a person could fit into my life. i wish i could know that there was nothing else they could contribute to my life. and i wish i could know for certain when a person could fit into my life. but it's not so black and white. it's gray. and the gray area kills. it's filled with maybes and what-ifs. it's filled with efforts, letdowns, and momentary satisfactions that are never fulfilling. and i know i'm not the only one that puts myself through the struggle.
i think humans are just predisposed to keep trying. we're told from such a young age to never give up. we are encouraged to continue going after what we want. never let a good thing pass us by. work for it and the reward will be worth it. don't be a loser, be a winner. is that not what we've been taught?
admitting defeat isn't easy for us. letting go isn't usually what we want to do. but sometimes it's necessary. it's important to realize when someone is taking away from our lives more than they are contributing to it. it's a valuable lesson to learn, i guess. i think it means we value our own well-being over not being alone.
all my love,
E
i wish things were a little more black and white. i wish i could know for certain that there was no way a person could fit into my life. i wish i could know that there was nothing else they could contribute to my life. and i wish i could know for certain when a person could fit into my life. but it's not so black and white. it's gray. and the gray area kills. it's filled with maybes and what-ifs. it's filled with efforts, letdowns, and momentary satisfactions that are never fulfilling. and i know i'm not the only one that puts myself through the struggle.
i think humans are just predisposed to keep trying. we're told from such a young age to never give up. we are encouraged to continue going after what we want. never let a good thing pass us by. work for it and the reward will be worth it. don't be a loser, be a winner. is that not what we've been taught?
admitting defeat isn't easy for us. letting go isn't usually what we want to do. but sometimes it's necessary. it's important to realize when someone is taking away from our lives more than they are contributing to it. it's a valuable lesson to learn, i guess. i think it means we value our own well-being over not being alone.
all my love,
E
I love your blog!!!!!Really!!!
ReplyDelete2activelab
thanks, kalliopi : )
ReplyDelete