the versatile blogger award

i've been nominated for the versatile blogger award by these two awesome girls: jessica and lola. this is another great award that goes out to feature blogs with noteworthy content and pictures. thank you so much, girls, for the nomination!

the rules:

- thank the person who nominated you

- share seven little-known facts about yourself

- nominate others to do the same

facts:
1. when i was 7, i gave the tooth fairy an ultimatum through a note tucked under my pillow. either "fork over fifty bucks" or "i'll never believe in you again." i didn't get my fifty dollars. but i got to keep my tooth. and my attitude.

2. in kindergarten, our teacher asked us all what we wanted to be when we grew up. the girl before me said that she wanted to be a vet. girl stole my answer. i used to think it was nearly a sin to give the same answer to such a question so when i was asked what i wanted to be, i just sat there in silence not knowing what to do. the teacher snapped saying we didn't have all day. so i blurted, "a cowgirl!" yup. a cowgirl. life goals right there.

3. my parents set up a family trip to disney world and seaworld for christmas one year. most kids would probably enjoy that. i was miserable everyday of the trip. all i wanted to do was go back to the hotel and swim in the pool all afternoon. i'm half fish.

4. i was given a kitten for my eleventh birthday. a black kitten with a white dot on her chest. i named her 'dottie.' she was a stray and really shy. she became attached to me. only me. i loved that cat so much. you don't even know. when i was sixteen, she got hit by a car. i cried for weeks, missed school, and slept with a picture of her beside my bed. sounds pathetic. but i'm pretty sure that's the only time in my life that i've ever truly experienced heartbreak.

5. if i were ever to get a tattoo, i would want 'sweetheart' written in my grandmother's handwriting on the back of my neck. i can still hear her calling me that. i miss her so much.

6. when i misbehaved as a youngin', my dad would go outside, walk across the street and stand next to a pine tree. he told me the easter bunny lived under that tree. i believed him. my parents kept me disciplined by standing next to a pine tree. "alright, i'm going to go have a talk with the easter bunny." "noooooo!" i don't think you ever stop being so naive. you just become naive about different things.

7. i had to give a talk in church once. my friend was asked to talk on the same day. when we got to church, she had her talk all written out and ready to go. i had an index card with three bullet points. while she gave her talk, i panicked over mine. when my turn came, i got up, stood at the podium and looked at the congregation. i began speaking and everything just flowed. no hesitations, no mistakes, nothing. i do better speaking to a large group of people than one-on-one. i get nervous when having to look someone in the eye.

nominations:
jessica in your ear
my life as katy
the aj minute
life modifier
sam hates running

good luck!

all my love,
E

venice

the wanderlust has been real lately. all i want to do is travel, take pictures, eat food, and sleep. unfortunately, my work schedule and bank account are working against me. until we're on the same page, i'm just going to have to relive all of my favorite travels through old pictures and try to curb the craving a tad.

i went through my pictures from venice today. i absolutely love venice. my mom and i took a visit during the summer of 2013. i'll be honest and say that i had no idea that venice was an island until we boarded a ferry to get there. and i had no idea that cars didn't exist there. but i did know that venice has a hard rock cafe. and, let's be real, that is one of the first things you're supposed to look up about the city you're visiting. twisted mac and cheese? the best.

we didn't just eat hard rock cafe food, of course. we had real italian pizza. ham pizza. it was stellar. yes, stellar. and we had gelato for dessert. guys. i ate gelato in venice. i ate pizza in venice. i'm still not over it and it's been almost two years.

my favorite memory from this trip is definitely the gondola ride. my mother is deathly afraid of boats. she was fine until we went out into the grand canal. the bigger boats passing by made our little gondola rock a little too much for her. i've never seen her grip anything as tight as she did the side of that poor gondola. seriously so funny. i was proud of her for going, though. you can't go to venice and not go for a gondola ride. right?

i'll be back. one day. promise.

all my love,
E

the liebster award

i'm so happy to have been nominated by this lovely girl, sasha over at little-sash, to take part in the liebster award. i love the idea behind this award. it helps new blogs get discovered and allows bloggers to connect with each other.

the rules:
- post the award to your blog
- thank the blogger who nominated you and post a link back to their blog
- answer the 11 questions given by the blogger who nominated you
- nominate 11 new bloggers and notify them
- create 11 new questions for them to answer

my given questions:
1) what gave you inspiration to start a blog?
there are a countless amount of journals scattered around my room. this is just another one of them. it's my own. a place to document my feelings, life, travels, and photographs.

2) who is your favourite music artist?
i'm a swiftie, no shame. but i will forever love the goo goo dolls and matchbox twenty. their songs will never get old.

3) what are five items always in your handbag?
i don't use a handbag. i only carry my wallet around. i'm not that girl that has to carry a pack of gum, chapstick, a brush, makeup, and a billion q-tips around all day. you'll just find it all crammed into the center armrest of my car.

4) if you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
i wish i could see people's true intentions. see through them to their very core. there will either be something alluring or something menacing. but wouldn't you like to know who you're really dealing with?

5) what is your guilty pleasure?
lazy friday nights with sweatpants, messy hair, popcorn, and netflix.

6) what advice would you give your younger self?
people are not medicine, doll. never let your happiness depend on or lie in the hands of another person.

7) what is your favourite joke?
i was going to make a hitler joke, but jew would nazi the humor in it.
why was hitler hit with a baseball? he did nazi it coming.
okay, enough with the nazi jokes. they're making me führerious.

8) what is your favourite fashion accessory?
infinity scarves and pearl earrings.

9) if you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
i think the world would be an even more beautiful place if people focussed on living up to their full potential. love to the fullest, work your hardest, and be charitable. don't waste your talents and love. the world shouldn't be robbed of such good.

10) where does your fashion inspiration come from?
pinterest.

11) heels or flats?
neither honestly. i prefer vans, boots, and sandals. there is a time and a place for heels and flats. and that place is church on sundays.

i nominate:
leesh loves
the french way
anna jasmine
this girl said
very proper blog
rosanna's palette
oh snap anna
a pretty little life
love and leo
lordlaura
hello, scholar
els loves

the questions:
- what do you love most about yourself?
- what's your most embarrassing childhood memory?
- what's your dream job?
- what are your favorite lyrics?
- on the first day of ruling the world, what would you do?
- what has been the best moment of your life?
- which famous person would you love to be BFFs with?
- if you could ask for one wish, what would it be?
- what's the weirdest thing you have ever done on a date?
- where have you always wanted to travel?
- what makes you smile?

have fun, y'all!

all my love,
E

amanda & erik

my best friend and her tagalong husband came to visit over the holidays. we had such a great time while they were here. right before they left, i was able to take pictures of them. aren't they cute? i think so. btw, erik does this cute forehead kissing thing all on his own. amanda found a keeper.

i also made them pose separately for my class. amanda is such a natural. she needs no direction. erik, on the other hand, isn't a fan of the camera but i think the camera likes him. these two don't take bad pictures.

why must you guys live so far away? i miss, need, love my best friend. 

all my love,

E

missing you comes in waves. tonight, i'm drowning.

"just move on," they say. don't you love that? just move on. they make it sound so easy. but it's not.

i think i always figured i'd know when it was time to move on and let someone go. i thought i'd feel really good about it and just pick up and head out. nobody warns you for what it's really like. it's a constant uphill battle.

staying away after choosing to walk away is the hardest. it's like quitting an addiction. it's saying 'no' over and over again every single day until you've finally, actually, moved on. it's trying to stay away from every chance of a relapse. it's seeing their name light up on your phone and feeling a mix of butterflies in your stomach and a lump in your throat. it feels good to be thought of and missed but you feel anger towards the person for making it even harder to stay away. it's seeing that green checkmark next to their name on skype and wrestling your own fingers to avoid hitting the call button. it's laying in bed at night and not knowing who to text about your day because, for so long, they were the go-to person that you shared everything with.

i wish things were a little more black and white. i wish i could know for certain that there was no way a person could fit into my life. i wish i could know that there was nothing else they could contribute to my life. and i wish i could know for certain when a person could fit into my life. but it's not so black and white. it's gray. and the gray area kills. it's filled with maybes and what-ifs. it's filled with efforts, letdowns, and momentary satisfactions that are never fulfilling. and i know i'm not the only one that puts myself through the struggle.

i think humans are just predisposed to keep trying. we're told from such a young age to never give up. we are encouraged to continue going after what we want. never let a good thing pass us by. work for it and the reward will be worth it. don't be a loser, be a winner. is that not what we've been taught?

admitting defeat isn't easy for us. letting go isn't usually what we want to do. but sometimes it's necessary. it's important to realize when someone is taking away from our lives more than they are contributing to it. it's a valuable lesson to learn, i guess. i think it means we value our own well-being over not being alone.

all my love,
E

knock, knock, you about to get shell shocked

i borrowed my best friend's little sister today. she's always up for being my model. i love it. she's gorgeous, funny, and, ahem, crazy. she's always doing something that makes you go, "oh, no. did you really?" like when she sends out selfies from your phone or when she calls your coworkers "accidentally." or when she tries to blast 'shell shocked' in the car on the way to the lake. she's lucky she's beautiful and is hopefully helping me pass this next assignment : )
check it out.

thanks, girly. you're the best.

all my love,
E

an almost-something

remember cute coach? the theo james clone i talked about earlier?

his little heart is breaking over a girl...we'll call her norway, for no reason in particular. though, he'd probably rather me refer to her as his norwegian, or his princess or, ya know, his norwegian princess. but we're not going to do that here. sorry, punk.

anyway, norway stole his heart. actually, i'm pretty sure he freely gave it away as people do when they 'bet all their chips in one hand' so to speak. it happens. you can't win every round. you take risks. and sometimes you lose. 

he says to me, "this is a terrible feeling." yeah, i know. i'm well versed in it, thank you very much. many of us are.

it's that feeling after losing something that you thought was going to be a real big something and ended up being a real big nothing. it was an almost-something. and losing an almost-something hurts nearly as much as losing an official-something.

it hurts to have someone run off on you when you've just decided to commit yourself fully to them. you go all-in and the other person takes off with your heart before taking that chance themselves. and as they go down their decided path, your heart follows in suit. you can't even be mad, because, hey, they never asked for your heart & they never asked for the commitment.

you're left to speculate on your own as to where you went wrong. and, because the other person isn't around much to answer your questions, you're left to decide for yourself what you could have done better or what was wrong with you. because you're human and, therefore, naturally hard on yourself, you think you're to blame for everything. but that's not the case. there were two people present. both of you had actions. both of you had decisions. you're only responsible for your own. rationalizing what you did against what someone else did is useless. 

but you're left remembering how sweet, charming, and perfect they were. it's stuck in your head and it's not coming out. i think it's harder coming out of an almost-something at this point because you weren't even together long enough to pick up on the other person's flaws. you can't be all, "oh, thank goodness i don't have to pick up his shoes scattered about the house anymore." because you don't even know if he leaves his shoes scattered about the house ever. you only know of the traits and habits they wanted you to know at this point. the beginning point. where everyone seems perfect. even if the person snores. somehow you think it's cute to hear the guy snoring next to you. it's almost reassuring to wake up and hear such an obnoxious noise 'cause, hey, you're not alone. not tonight. you know it and the people in the apartment next to you know it. i'm not even sure when the snoring stops being cute. is it bad that i've never gotten to that point?

then there's your friends. they have no idea what's going on so the questions come randomly. "what's up with you two? are you two official yet? what's the juice?" they can't even keep up with how on again and off again the relationship seems to be so they let you do your thing and wait. when it all comes crashing down, they don't even know what to say. i mean, after all, you two weren't together. it's not like you just added another name to your list of exes. though, you should be able to. it feels like an ex. an ex-something. because there was something there. 

thank goodness for best friends though. smiley face emoticon. they'll tell you that if the other person knew a good thing when they saw it, they'd have stuck around. they'll tell you that it's just as well that the other person is out of your life. you deserve better. full commitment. and i like hearing that, because that's exactly what every person deserves.

everyone has had an almost-something at some point in their life story. if not, they're coming. i'm pretty sure my share of them hasn't come to an end yet. i don't know why we fall into the trap. i'm convinced it's because, deep down, we're optimists and the idea of being in love and living happily ever after is too great to pass up. everybody wants to know what it's like to be a person's first priority. they want to be loved unconditionally. and when given an inch of affection, some of us will take it with a mile of hope. 

all my love,

E